Late Night Ponderings and a Light Bulb Moment

I’ve been doing some poking around lately and I stumbled across a couple of articles/suggestions and had a little eureka moment last night while I was all bemoany about the change in rules where Canucks will no longer be eligible for consideration in the big EAS BFL challenge.

The first was a suggestion from Kat Carney on Soulcysters to take 90 days and write down exactly what you’re doing and then take that info to your doctor if you aren’t losing weight. Now, for me, I know I’ll lose, etc. but if I’m still not be regulated, zit free, etc. I’d like to use this to show my doctor I might need additional intervention. Basically, the idea is to be your own science project.

The second was a phenomenal article about the Tao Athlete that I’m going to have to read a couple of times to fully digest. On first reading, there were a couple of things that really stood out to me.

“The Tao and the Tao nature is about the path, the fulfillment or filling you up from being on the path. It’s about YOUR path. It is unique. The Tao is about balance. It is beautiful in its context that it can be about pure devotion and commitment but at the same time not be about obsessive compulsive preoccupation with outcomes, or results or externals that take us off its path and away from balance.“

In the past, I’ve worked out because I want to achieve a certain result. I want to lose and inch off my waist; I want to fit into a certain sized pants by a certain date. And then I get obsessive and weird and start losing momentum. Workouts become a chore and I get cranky about eating clean. I forget that I also enjoy my time when I work out, the rhythm of my breathing, the quiet reflection when I’m lifting, the zing of energy mid workout that gets me up and dancing like a fool between sets (yay for working out at home without an audience). I like how the act of working out makes me feel both in the moment and in my life in general. It’s a part of who I am and how I live and why can’t the results be of no consequence?

The second part that really had me nodding and agreeing with my computer screen was:

“Like any house, the more I like the surroundings and lack of clutter and the more clean and organized that environment, than the more likely I am to think more clearly and “be” a better me.”

The whole idea of having measurable goals and never being happy with your results and eating only for fuel is great and all for other people but it ain’t for me. It doesn’t light a fire. Not all of us are cookie cutter molds of one another. I don’t need to fit it – it is extraneous to how I live my life. I don’t have to have another person’s feelings in order to feel like I’m doing right.

The last bit was my initial, aformentioned bemoaniness at the BFL challenge changes. I was pissed! And then, after a while it dawned on me - this could be good. No more official starts. No more official ends! No more freaking if I'm PMSing in my last week and my photos won't show enough definition. No more four week freak out. No more start weights and no more cholking down EAS protein powder at least once so I can officially enter. No more feeling bad about hating a.m. cardio! Woohoo! The best is NO MORE COMPETITION. I don't have to try and fit my square, type B peg into a round type A hole (hee) and set SMART goals and measure against and pretend like I get off on all that shit. I never again will do another “challenge” or step on a scale or measure myself to see if I'm "succeeding" or not or take photos at set times and submit a package.

Anyhoo, I took all of this, swirled it around in my noggin for a few days and, last night, it all mashed itself up and turned into this…

I’m going to enjoy myself and the process. Now, because I need some baseline data to take to my doctor to see if I need some extra oomph in managing my PCOS, I’m going to track what I do but, for myself, I'm going to track how I feel. For me, this is about feeling great, and allowing that to help me be a better me. Am I feeling excited? Energized? Fulfilled? Am I having fun? How does my body feel? Is my physical self happy? If not, do I need to do something different?